8 Honest Things to Know When Connecting with the Deceased

Connecting with the deceased is not as spooky, theatrical, or dramatic as TV and movies make it seem. It is emotional, energetic, and deeply personal. Whether you are a medium, someone exploring intuition, or someone hoping to hear from a loved one, there are a few honest things to understand when connecting with the deceased so the experience feels clear, safe, and meaningful.

These are lessons I have learned through real work with spirits and energetic entities. Some moments are beautiful. Some are surprising. Some are simply honest.

1. Spirits operate on their own timeline

We do not schedule spirits the way we schedule meetings. Sometimes a loved one arrives early. Sometimes they appear right on time. Sometimes they wait until everyone involved feels steady enough to receive.

I have had spirits show up the night before a reading, eager to share everything, but their loved one was not going to be speaking with me for another fifteen hours. Other times they will show up in a dream and share what feels like movie clips or snapshots from their lives for me to pass along. They are ready when they are ready, and the living person receives when they are ready.

When you are connecting with the deceased, clarity comes from presence, not pressure.

2. Messages are not always words

Messages can come through as a feeling, images, emotion, symbols, scent, taste, or spoken words. A sudden hint of their perfume or cologne. A phrase that drops into your mind. A song that pops into your head at what seems like a random time. A memory that belongs to someone else but arrives with perfect clarity.

I have had spirits make themselves known through scent so strongly that it stopped me in my tracks. One time, while standing on a sidewalk in a very upscale area of San Francisco, I was suddenly wrapped in a full cyclone of White Shoulders. It was in my mouth. I slipped an earbud in and kept walking to my car, saying in my head, “Ma’am, really? You could have tapped me gently. The florals are doing the most right now.”
That unmistakable perfume told me exactly who was trying to get my attention.

Trust those moments. Spirits can communicate in complete sentences, but many times their energy speaks louder than words.

3. Your nervous system can influence the connection, but it does not shut it down

You do not have to channel your inner Karate Kid, balancing on the post of discipline when connecting with the deceased. If you are sad, nervous, or anxious, that is perfectly okay. Real readings happen in real conditions. We are human. Sometimes you are grounded, and sometimes you are nervous, tired, or carrying your own feelings. Spirits can still come through.

Grounding helps with clarity, but emotional intensity does not block communication. Many people seek readings during moments of grief, trauma, or deep overwhelm. Their hearts are wide open even if their bodies are tense, and that openness often allows spirits to reach them in ways that surprise everyone involved.

The most important part is willingness. If you are trying your best to be open, even while nervous or hurting, spirits will meet you there.

4. Grief can muffle the connection

Deep grief is consuming. Anyone who has lived through it knows how it can take over your entire inner world. That kind of pain creates a fog between connection and perception. It does not mean your loved ones are not around. It simply means they may not be able to come through clearly in that moment.

Sometimes they are trying to reach out to you directly, but the weight of your grief makes it harder to hear, feel, or notice what they are sending. This is not a lack of interest or effort on their part. I have been in this situation myself. When I have lost people I loved, the pain was so overwhelming that even if they had been sending signs or symbols, I could not see them. The grief was louder than the connection.

Sometimes, as much as you want a connection right now, you have to give it a little time. Even a small amount of healing creates clarity, and clarity helps you recognize what has been reaching for you all along.

5. Use caution and intuition when connecting with the deceased

When connecting with the deceased, use caution and trust your intuition. Not every spirit arrives softly. Some come with strong emotion that can feel overwhelming until you take a moment to understand what is actually being expressed. Strong energy does not automatically mean danger. Sometimes it is just intense emotion, like anger, grief, or urgency, coming through all at once.

But the truth is important. Not every spirit or energetic presence is aligned. Most of the time the connection is loving or neutral, but there are rare moments when the energy is not something you should handle alone. That is when you call someone who is trained for that kind of work. There is nothing wrong with that. It is responsible.

I know my limits. I came across something in a client’s basement once, and I have never experienced anything like it before or since. I consulted with a few people I trust — one who works with lower-vibration entities and another who does not deal with that energy at all. When I stopped by a metaphysical shop in Berkeley to gather what I needed, the woman there told me to send Archangel Michael ahead to handle anything I was not equipped to deal with.

So I did.

When I returned the next day, the space felt completely different. It wasn’t nearly as dark or heavy, and I wasn’t as scared as I had been before. I went in with sage and Palo Santo and cleared the energy to the best of my ability. I also let the client know she would probably benefit from at least one more clearing session, whether with me or someone else.

Would I voluntarily walk into something like that again? No. What I will do is handle smaller things within my ability and call in support when it is beyond me. That is responsible work.

Intensity does not always mean danger, but if something feels off, trust yourself. Your intuition is there for a reason.

6. Signs and synchronicities are one of the easiest ways the deceased reach you

Communication from people who have passed is not always direct. Sometimes the deceased use the world around you to get your attention. These moments often feel like small interruptions in your day, something that stands out just enough for you to notice.

You might see the same number, name, or symbol repeatedly. A song connected to them may play in three different places in one week. Lights may flicker at a meaningful moment. An object may fall, shift, or pull your focus for no clear reason. These signs are rarely accidents. They are patterns meant to catch you long enough for you to feel who is reaching out.

I used to randomly see butterscotch Lifesavers packs, and I knew it was my uncle. He used to bring them to my sisters and me every time he visited. The timing never made sense, but the feeling did. That is how synchronicity works. It lands with recognition before logic catches up.

Synchronicity happens when their energy lines up with your awareness. It is not imagination. It is recognition. The meaning is in how it feels. If something makes you pause, smile, or feel that tug of “This is for me,” trust that. And if something follows you until you finally acknowledge it, trust that too.

Not every sign comes softly. Some show up boldly or dramatically because the person who has passed knows exactly what will cut through your day and make you pay attention. The form does not matter. What matters is that it reached you.

7. Intention matters more than perfection

Connection with the deceased is not always something you schedule or prepare for. Your intention has power, but so does theirs. Sometimes you create the moment. Other times, they take the lead.

You can set an intention like “I am open to receiving what is meant for me” and the connection will meet you anywhere. It does not require ritual or ceremony. You could literally be sitting in your car in front of Ulta picking up an order and suddenly feel someone reaching out. That has happened to me more than once.

And then there are the moments where their intention kicks the door open. I have had entities bust into my dreams without warning. One time I was walking through a street in Italy, about to get some food, living my best life. The scene froze like someone hit a remote control. The people in the dream parted like the Red Sea, and an entity glided toward me in full twilight slow motion. I was flabbergasted. Not only was I not expecting it, but how dare you interrupt my dream vacation to deliver a message with that level of dramatic entrance.

On the other side of that, there are loved ones we beg to hear from, and they show up in their own timing. I have asked my grandmother to come through so many times, and she finally appeared once as a younger version of herself. We sat together while I taught her about computers, which was exactly what we planned to do when she was still in this realm. That was her intention, not mine.

Intention is always a two-way conversation. Yours creates openness. Theirs creates timing. You do not need perfection. You need presence, honesty, and the willingness to recognize connection whether you called it in or whether it arrived with its own purpose and dramatic flair.

If you are connecting with the deceased for the first time, remember that every experience unfolds differently.

8. You cannot force connection, and your intentions shape the experience

When connecting with the deceased, your intention matters more than anything else. Not perfection. Not ceremony. Not how calm or centered you feel. Just intention.

If you approach the connection from a place of honesty, love, curiosity, or openness, the energy that responds will usually feel the same. Your sincerity sets the tone.

But if someone tries to use their gift to manipulate, control, or get over on others, that is where things can go wrong. The issue is intention. When the intention is selfish, dishonest, or harmful, the energy you attract reflects that. It becomes muddy, confusing, or simply not something you want to be dealing with.

This is why grounding matters. It keeps you honest with yourself. It keeps you aligned. It keeps you safe. When your intention is clean, the connection is clean.

And remember, sometimes the deceased do not come through right away because they are resting. If their passing was sudden or traumatic, they may need time. That is not rejection. That is healing. Give them the grace they deserve. When they are ready, they will show up in a way that feels aligned for both of you.

Connection is healthiest when you approach it with sincerity, respect, and clear intention.

For anyone exploring their own medium development, my mentor Beth is incredible.

If you feel nudges, signs, or energy and want clarity, you can book a medium or paranormal reading with me here on Insight Psychics whenever you feel ready.